The Art Of Detachment Is Pivotal To Our Mental Independence
A Highly Misinterpreted Concept
When I see success, I remind myself, that this too shall pass. When I see failure, I remind myself, that this too shall pass. - Dan Go
The art of Detachment is probably one of the most misinterpreted concepts out there. A few common threads associated with this misinterpreted idea is that it is considered to be the trait of a complacent person or of one who withdraws from situations that fall outside of their comfort zone. These notions amongst others, could not be further from the reality of it.
Detachment is a way of life that helps you get involved in situations without having to marry the outcome. Let’s face it, when most of us get involved in a task or situation in our everyday lives, we tend to jump to conclusions about the outcome before having reached halfway through the process. One of the reasons for this behavior is that we tend to fall in love with the idea of doing something and the expected outcome we have created in our heads.
It's sort of like teenage infatuation.
Getting attached to something also means allowing yourself to be put in a vulnerable position as it takes up emotional headspace. The attachment issue is that it is usually unregulated and unchecked as it is built on a mountain of expectations that have a personal bias. While being attached to your loved ones and close friends do add depth and value in your relationships, being detached means to not get married to the image of those people you have created in your mind.
Being detached teaches you one of the most basic and yet profound lessons. The only thing permanent in life is change. Once you understand that, half of your problems disappear. Why? Because most of them were anyways self-inflicted by your idea of how things should be rather than accepting how they are.
Relationships
When it comes to our relationships, issues usually start to arise around the time your illusion of the person and the person itself do not match. This could apply to any kind of relation. A father-son, husband-wife, a couple of friends, or even siblings.
Quite often we tend to control every little detail, from the other person’s feelings to their reactions. By doing this, at a subconscious level, we tend to seek their validation for our opinion of them. The minute you let-go a little, things can turn for the better. Try not to get emotional and you will not react in an impulsive way when the other person does not do something you expect of them. As you get detached from the person and your interpretation of them, you tend to see them for who they are and not who you want them to be.
That helps you have a more healthy relationship as all the people involved now are setting their expectations based on reality.
Decision-Making Abilities
The act of Detachment teaches us to be more self-reflective and thoughtful as compared to being more impulsive in our actions. We tend to under-estimate the dependence on our thinking patterns and how they influence our everyday lives. This means we tend to act on things instantly quite often mainly because we feel like we know what we are doing.
Detaching yourself from the situation helps you look at things from the outside. This means you can assess the situation with more clarity and react less to negative thoughts and emotions while being more reflective of the positive ones.
Professional Lives
I always believe that your work should never define you completely. It should only define a small part of what you do. If you are someone who spends all her/his time thinking of work even when you are not at work, or if you have no other interests in life outside of those that are linked with your profession, you need to detach from it.
One of the reasons to do that is to grow in other areas of life while ensuring that your personal and professional time do not overlap. I am trying to implement this in my life as well. One of the ways of doing it is by writing this weekly newsletter which helps me destress, express myself, and enjoy the art of writing.
If you are one of those that thinks you ‘cannot’ find time for anything else, that’s because you do not want to make time for anything else. Everyone gets the same 24 hours in a day. What you do with it and how you prioritize it is your decision.
Personal Lives
Every time you feel stressed about something, it is usually because it has to do with a past event or a future event. Our constant need to control every aspect of life, mainly those that are in the past and those that may or may not happen in the future is our biggest catalyst for stress and mental fatigue.
The need and desire to manage every situation makes you have a blindsided approach to what you are doing without ever contemplating the possibility of things going against you or not as per your plan. While it is good to be optimistic and confident about anything you do, it is also important to be realistic and prepared for the unknown. Detaching yourself from your personal decisions and their outcomes helps you identify when the decisions you make are driven by passion or ambition and when are they reaching a point of delusional thinking.
The purpose of Detachment is not just to move beyond our neediness and expectations, but to also enforce a sense of discipline and self-control which can drive us to a better state of mental balance. By detaching yourself you are not shifting to a passive state or one of withdrawal. Instead, you are teaching yourself to look at things from a different lens. One where the emotions take the back seat and the practicality takes charge.
Until next time…